I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
