is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
