Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
