I'm so fucking centered right now
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
