I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
