so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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