One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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