Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
