My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
