im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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