I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
