i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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