one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
