Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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