I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
