Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
