But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
