There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
