I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
