Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize