I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
