Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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