Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
