All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
