I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
