I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
