Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
