Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
