Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
