Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
