I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize