Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
