your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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