In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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