yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
