Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
