I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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