I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
