i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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