I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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