just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
