worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
