This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
