i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
