1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize