I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
