I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
