I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
