every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
