okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
