Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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