covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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