He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
