Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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