i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
