If that was your dad, he is hot
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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