I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
