Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
