the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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