things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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