I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
