just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
