I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
