Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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