i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Randomize
