There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
