I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
