I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Life is so much better after having sex.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
