my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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