I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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