Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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